I can handle it.

I would say that I have a healthy self-esteem. I believe I am a good person. I have qualities that can be helpful to people and to this world. I also get that I am not special (or everyone is special.)

Sometimes my friends give me constructive criticism... uninvited, unbridled, "constructive" criticisms... And sometimes from said comments (i.e. "The background of your blog is ugly") comes change. And sometimes I just smile, shake my head, and laugh.

P.S. There are only so many backgrounds to choose from and most of them are sub-par... however, they are free. 

It was a rough day.

The day started with none of my clothes being comfortable and a general feeling of grossness. Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about... because you totally do. Then there was some other junk that shook up the day and darkened my usual cheerful mood, but nothing dramatic or cause for mention in a public arena. 

It was the afternoon, the time of day when I usually move my car from one lot to another. It is also an excellent time to get a Diet Coke. By the time I got to my car I saw that I only had 5 minutes until I needed to be at a meeting. This was not enough time to go to the McDonald's drive-thru as I had planned. (Side note: McDonald's has THE best Diet Coke hands down... and then it is only $1 for a large? Forget about it!!) Anywho... There is a liquor store a couple of blocks away from where I was and I had purchased a beverage there a few times before. I decided I would hit that up real quick like and then head to my meeting. 

This is NOT the actual liquor store from the story.

I parked in front of a liquor store near my work. I got out of my car and I could hear some crazies hollering at me from across the street at the bus stop. I ignored this. Ain't no thang... I glanced up to see 2 men outside of the store standing near/behind the propped door. I went inside. I grabbed a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper. (If I am forced to buy bottles, then I go for the Diet Dr. Pepper variety rather than Diet Coke... not important to the story, but totally important to my life.) I went to the cashier to pay for my item.There was another customer talking to the Asian store clerk. This customer had walked in behind me. He was missing several teeth and I feel like it impaired his speech. He was an African American bloke that was so ridiculous it was as if he was acting. He was almost yelling, "Chico! There are people loitering outside your store. Chico! You can't let people do that you are going to lose customers. CHICO!" The Asian man acted super sketched out and just ignored his comments. He would glance at him every once in awhile but never responded verbally. I kept thinking, "Is this guy's name actually Chico? Because that would be kind of epic." 

The other customer stopped yelling at the clerk and got really quiet. He turned to look at me and said in a low voice, "How are you doing?" I got my change and quickly replied, "I'm well." I turned and walked towards the exit. The loitering men that I saw when I arrived had tripled in size. There were now 6 dudes and they were standing right in front of the store door blocking my only exit. I walked straight through them as I clearly stated, "Excuse me." They were being very intrusive and began surrounding me making sexual comments. I felt as if they were trying to intimidate me. I continued to just say "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me" as I walked through them, away from them, and towards my car. Their stupid comments continuing throughout. 

I wish these were the folks loitering. 

THEN the man from inside the store followed my ass. He was shouting out, "Are you really from Utah? I was supposed to go to Utah State but I got injured. Really? You are from Utah? I live on Casitas. Where do you live?" He saw my Utah license plate. I was just walking and kind of nodding. Then he said, "This liquor store isn't usually this bad, but you should probably go somewhere else." During all of this, the bus stop crazies were cat calling from across the street. They were harder to ignore with all of the other happenings going on at the same time. I got to my car after a very short walk that felt a mile long, I started her up, and I drove away with a sigh of relief to move on with my life. I thought, "Well... I won't be going to THAT place ever again." 

I didn't actually do this, but I may as well have "talk to the handed" him.

But the saga is not over because the lovely gentleman who had followed me out of the store continued his pursuit in his car! I didn't notice him behind me until I had stopped at a stop sign. I looked in my rear view mirror to see a car pass on my left and then stop beside me. Sure enough, it was the man from the store. He had his passenger side window rolled down. I shook my head. He yelled, "Do you have a boyfriend!?" To which I nodded and said "Yes." (I guess this is the only logical reason I would reject him...? I would have told him I was a man with several STD's if I thought it would shake him.) 

As I drove, I thought about how that whole situation resembled the opening of a Law and Order SVU episode, complete with Asian store owner and loitering men. Which reminded me of a past blog post where I relayed some concerns about peeps being all up in my business on the off chance I went missing. Since that post I have struck a deal with my cousin that he will erase certain accounts if I die. But I haven't even given him my passwords yet!! 

I headed to my place of employment and attended my meeting (remarkably, on time.) After the meeting, I text messaged a friend and fellow coworker telling him briefly about the situation. I was quickly reprimanded for thinking it was a good idea to go into that store. I have now been given a run down of the places I am and am not allowed to go. If I want Diet Coke... it is strongly recommended that I head to the neighboring city for such a beverage. (Don't fret... there is a McDonald's in said area.) 

Diet Coke is important. 

Much later, I thought about the incident while out of my dissociative state of coping. I ran through the entire scene in my head. This is when I realized that the situation was actually quite terrifying. I strongly believe that that creeper following me, while was super irritating and ridiculous, helped me shake those other loitering men. I was happy and relieved to be in a completely different environment in that moment of contemplation. I was in a place where I felt totally and completely safe. And I may or may not have cried in my relief... it was a long day, ok? So back off! 

I am definitely not a cute crier.

I feel blessed this this whole scene went down as it did. That could have been bad. One of my best friends has offered me the use of her 9mm gun. I just have to give the nod... 

No offense, but I'm not offended.

My sister took her youngest, Brando, to the doctor. She was speaking with one of the nurses about Brando and his relationship with the older 3 kids (ages 4.5, 4.5, and 3.) She explained that Brando does little tricks like jumping in the air and landing on his booty (even on the tile) and then all the kids laugh and laugh and laugh. And then Brando repeats, and everyone laughs and laughs again.

(Isn't he so cute you can hardly stand it?!)

She told the nurse that when Brando gets up from his nap and enters the room, the older three children cheer, "YAY!! Brando!!" She then proceeded to comment to the nurse, "I think he will be like my little sister [that's me] and be 30 years old before he realizes that everyone doesn't cheer when he walks into the room."

First of all... I am confused, people always cheer when I walk into the room, it happened 5 minutes after she relayed this story to me... Secondly, in all seriousness, I really was 16 years old before I realized that there could possibly be a person who didn't like me. I knew there were people who didn't care about me. But to NOT like me... and to go out of their way to make it known... this was foreign and disconcerting.

As I have gotten older and wiser I have come to realize some things about myself. I have always known that I laughed more than the average person. I have always known that I am more entertained by life than many of my fellow human beings. And as I have grown in maturity, here is what I believe has occurred:

There is NO way that I went through all of elementary and middle school without being made fun of... is this even humanly possible? A better possibility is that I didn't notice that I was being mocked. I am thinking that maybe some unsuspecting bully teased me or made fun of me and I just laughed, said, "Totally!" Possibly added on to their put down... Then I walk away, face hurting from smiling, wiping away tears from the laughter, and the bully standing their like, "What the F*** just happened?"

I went YEARS not realizing that close family/friends were labeled as "Moody"... I just thought they were kidding.

(Ane... my other half in the winning to every "Cutest Couple" contest EVER.)

And that brings us to the present. I still think that most people like me... come on, I am a likable gal. I am still super entertained by life and am not easily angered or offended. I have made a short list that is by no means comprehensive, and in no particular order, of events in my adult life that I maybe SHOULD have been offended by... but really I just thought were funny and therefore just smiled, shook my head, and laughed.

Things I Should Have Maybe Taken Some Offense To

My father suggesting I become a hooker. Because then I would have something to do AND have benjamins.

When leaving my cousin's place he says, "Go be a bitch some place else."

A complete stranger asking if he can motorboat me.

When trying to help out a friend and offering viable options, he responded to my kindness by sarcastically saying, "Wow. You should work for NASA."

Man sitting next to me on a flight proposes that he and I develop a "Friends with Benefits" type of relationship (but don't worry, he hopes we fall in love at the end of it.)

My co-worker informing me he had a sex dream about me. Oh... and then telling me he has a second dream as well. 

My strengths were described as the following: 1. Blonde Hair 2. Big Boobs

When talking to my mother about a certain gentlemen, I told her that I thought he was fantastic. To which she quickly replied in a skeptical manner, "Well.... does he think YOU are fantastic?!"

A man at a bar, who worked for the same agency as I, introduced himself as "Delicious" and then requested that I take my shirt off.

A co-worker measured all of the females mouths to see who's was biggest.

I was told by a male friend that it wasn't the conversation that was boring him... it was my face.

Being called "Easy Like Sunday Morning" (most frequently by family members.)

A bluntly honest friend leaving me a voicemail that says, "I'd be more than happy to tell you some things that are wrong with you... because I can think of A LOT."

A friend decided to come up with nicknames for another friend and I. He quickly named my other friend "Mystique". After an entire day of thinking of a nickname for yours truly, all he would come up with was, "Pam Beasly" which was another way of calling me completely average in every way. Even he knew it sucked.

Men that I either don't know or barely know offering to send me photos of their manliness. (Sorry, no link to photos... creepers.) 

A co-worker trying to comfort a teenage girl by saying that "Jaime and [friend/coworker] don't seem to have problems with getting men at their size."

Nicknames like "Jaime Marie easy as 1 2 3"

My co-worker, after 5 months of employment together, could not remember my name. And he acted dumbfounded by his lack of memory because, "She's even white!"

The same co-worker thought that instead of calling me Jaime, he would just refer to me as "Sexy Chocolate" (I respectfully declined his offer.)

My friend's supervisor saying to me, "Jaime... your boobs are lookin' tasty..." (this one did shock me... but I still just laughed.)

On my 2nd day at the new job, a co-worker who was showing me the ropes predicted my "number" to be somewhere around 20-30.

Being accidentally given compliments by a member of the opposite sex that I would really like to get compliments from and when I say, "Thank you" he realizes his mistake and quickly retracts them.

Having numerous people call me names like slut, whore, skank, etc.

As I was compiling this list (and I did have to solicit help from a friend, because I often don't even realize that I should have felt some sort of displease from situations or comments) I recalled  a  poem I heard long ago...

The first time I asked her to dance, / she just smiled and nodded her head and giggled. / And when I asked her to be my wife, / she just smiled and nodded her head and giggled. / When I asked her how many children she wanted to have, / she just smiled and nodded her head and giggled. / That's when I realized -- she's retarded.    -Jeffrey Ross

First it made me laugh... then it made me wonder if there may be something wrong with me... but even if there is something clinically wrong with me, it's all good because I am happy and I enjoy my life as it is. Boom.