Friends are smart.

Sometimes I get really good advice.

"Anesthesiologist. Seduce one."

Maybe I will... Maybe I will...

And I don't even partake.

I hope everyone had a very happy and enjoyable 420. Since I was about 15 years old I have been very entertained by the concept of 420. That there is a number, time, and/or date associated to the use of the drug is hilarious to me. My mother was not a fan of our constant discussion about THC and she did not share our amusement of 420. She could not wait for "this phase to be over." If only she could have seen into the future.

The topic of 420 has become commonplace in my family's home. Beverly Jean the action machine jumped on board and became a full fledged fan of 420. If one is ever asked a number or time related question, the answer is always 420. I recall one instance involving my marmy. I had a voicemail from her stating that she had called the hospital to check on an uncle who was there at the time. "You will be happy to know that he was discharged at 4:20." I was happy to know that. I was even more happy that my mom made the connection.

One year my sister and I celebrated 4/20 in Park City. She bought me a 420 gift. She turned the lights off, and I had to search around the condo and find the magnificent present. It was nothing less than amazing.

BEST SHIRT EVER. Thanks sister!

(Wow...this video is over a minute long? There was really no need for it to be longer than 10 seconds...and yet here we are...)

We have already discussed my love for nicknames. Here are some of the various nicknames for the drug THC commonly known as known as Marijuana.

pot, weed, cannabis, dope, grass, ganja, giggle weed, Aunt Mary, Mary Jane, joint, blunt, doobie, chronic, nug (this one is probably my favorite!), rego, wacky tobacky, bud, herb, trees, indo, smoke, diggety dank, cheeba, canny banny, left handed tobacco, endo, Kansas ditch weed, hooch, Marley flower, and so many more!

I will leave you with the advice that I gave at least one kid when I worked for Juvenile Justice Services, "You don't take your pot to school."

Friends are super duper.

"Do you think if rappers rapped about maintaining high moral standards and resisting the temptation to use illicit drugs and alcohol that it would sound as good?"

Nope.

I like nicknames.

I really enjoy a good nickname. I love how they come to be and evolve. I especially love to see which names stick. I like giving people nicknames. People frequently end of with titles as names when I am dishing them out. (Example: The Kins, The Biffster, The Bung, The Urn....and more.)

Here are a bunch of nicknames I have. Not as many as my dear friend Baugh (I dare you to try and NOT come up with nicknames for her!) And away we go...

Jaime Boots
Boots
Jaime (hi-may)
Jaime (hi-may) Escalante
James
Jaimers
Mers
Jaimekins
Kins
Mamey
Jaime Bamey
Jamison
J-Love
J-Ho
Jaime Crackwhore and I don't care
Chesty LaRue
Jasmine Mozaffari
Jazmo
Jazzy
L'chaim (LAH-heim)
Jaime Marie easy as 123
J-A-I-M-E-Z
Laguna
Frump Master (my Indian rapper persona)
BJ
Beej

Am I forgetting any? I mean, I left off some obvious ones like "The Hot One" and "Total Package" because I don't want to seem cocky...

Friends are hilarious.

I had some phone issues this week... but I was able to rally up this gem.

"I was at lunch when [insert friend's name here] called me, and my ringtone for him is PIMP........I was so amused by the disapproving looks that I got......sooooo funny. People at chick fil a have such high moral standards and sh**......"

Poor Decisions.

So, there was this one time when I made a poor decision. Just the once...

One day in January, I went to Huntington beach. A couple of friends were flying in that night. After leaving the beach, because I was worried I would get a sunburn and ruin my weekend, I realized that I didn't have a place to change out of my swimsuit and into my clothes. In retrospect, the beach would have been the optimal option. It's normal for people to get undressed under a towel and shimmy their clothes on and off...but this didn't occur to me until much later. I drove around trying to decide what to do. In Utah there are several places where one could just use a gas station and be done with it. (And yes, I have used a public gas station restroom to change my clothes before going to a wedding.) Bathrooms are not as readily open to the public near the beach. And the issue of parking adds a whole other dimension.

To make a long story short, I did not get my hands on phone numbers I had hoped for. After driving around for a bit I ended up in Long Beach... in a parking terrace... This is where I decided to get undressed. There were copious amounts of people walking by. It seemed excessive for a weekday in such a ghetto area. Most people didn't seem to notice that I was changing my clothes. Or maybe that is just the story I have decided to go with to hold onto some self respect. I know I was caught by at least one individual... eye contact was made...but ah well...I gave them a story to exaggerate to their friends. As I walked out of the parking terrace I discovered the reason that there was so much people traffic...Farmers Market. Of course there is a weekday Farmers Market in the afternoon in the city they call Long Beach. What a good time and place for me to choose to disrobe.

Here are some things that are worse decisions than mine...

The practical obvious things...











The "Leave Britney Alone" Youtube Video...

Meg Ryan's plastic surgery...

My friends allowing this to be filmed.

Friends are fun.

"i'm at work watching swamp people with the kids...i want to comment on how backwoods and white trash these swamp people are...but i'm afraid i will offend the kids...they might be related. just sayin'"

This text was funny to me for a few reasons.

1. She was watching Swamp thing with troubled youth who, I know from experience, could most likely win gold medals in the Special Olympics of Social Skills.

2. That she cares about hurting the kids' feelings. Hahahaha.

3. Her fear of offending the kids means that they are super high maintenance and could snap at any minute. That means work has been ROUGH!

4. That this text was sent via Gmail and not from her phone because one is not allowed to have their phone in the secure area...and that story is a whole other topic for someone else's blog. ("She has no soul!")

Its all in the prism.

I was driving home after a lovely meet up with my beautiful friend, Anna. I was gellin' out to some Mumford and Sons and The Head and The Heart. Letting my mind wander where it wanted to. I was just allowing myself to enjoy the relaxing drive home. I was cruising at a steady 75 mph in a middle lane on I-15. An SUV abruptly passed me on the right. They then slowed way down so that they were next to me.

Now, as a side track to this story, I have been complaining that men will pull up next to me and stare at me, smile, wave, and continue to drive right next to me... for miles. And yes, this does happen to me quite often, nearly everyday. (It makes sense...the '96 Geo Prism reels them in every time.) What exactly do they think is going to happen? Do they think I am going to flash them? We aren't sharing some special connection. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Now back to the evening at hand. We drove side by side for about 15 seconds before I turned to look. There was an attractive man driving this other vehicle. I had a good 5 years on him, but he was very good looking. He was trying to get my attention. I became concerned thinking there was something wrong with my car and so he is trying to flag me down to draw my attention to it. He had his window down and was mouthing (or possibly yelling) his words very deliberately. I did not understand what he was trying to tell me. I mouthed, "What?" He began again, very slowly, "YOU........ARE......PRETTY....." I straight LOLed at this and responded, "Thank you." He then, again slowly, mouthed, "DO YOU WANT TO GET A DRINK?" He raised his hand to his mouth and mimed like he was drinking. I shook my head and said "No, thank you." He snapped his fingers as if to say, "Ah shucks." He waved goodbye, I waved back, and he sped ahead. I thought to myself, "I love you Southern California."

So, I just got asked out while traveling at 75 mph on I-15. Did that just happen? I declined his offer without really thinking about it (which is a pattern I am trying to break.) I still would have given the same response even after thinking about it. I was tired and had to be up early the next morning. But it got me thinking. Am I the kind of the girl that would say yes to that offer? I think I might be. My pre-blog persona would probably have said "absolutely not." But now that I have brought attention to the mischievous side of myself and created this desire to have entertaining stories to share...I think Jaime Boots just may be that kind of girl. Makin' it happen and heatin' things up.



This is the soundtrack to the story.

Friends are amazing.

This week there was no competition. Hands down this is the text that made me laugh hardest. (There was a ridiculously awesome picture sent to me...but I thought I would stick strictly to texts for now.)

"So I hate work really bad and was trying to find the positives of it...the biggest positive is working with kids, the second is that I am not married to any of my co-workers and will never have to see them naked."

Dirty Thirty Utard Style.

What a fantastic weekend...
Happy Birthday Jenessa! I love you!

Below are two word statements that, as a whole, sum up the weekend. Some of the descriptions mean exactly what is written. Others you have to use your imagination, and then make it more immature...and then extend it for an entire weekend and add a soundtrack of laughter...

TWO WORDS:

St. George
Claire Bear
No Judgment
Happy Birthday
Dirty Thirty
Ink Stain
Jaime wins!!!!!!!!
junk food
in trouble
not allowed
knife you
spaz train
good friends
good times
eeee awwww
just dance
diet coke
twelvie humor
bumper boats
jump in?
soaking wet
not drunk?
kicked out
parental hatred
too much!
laughing hard
almost vomited
can't breath
frozen Twinkies
The Grudge
Ink Factory
Photo Op
I'm Jason
waitress high?
Domino Scandal
Judgment free!

I could hit repeat on the weekend... I love mis amigas!!!

Friends are fantastic.

I had such a plethora of hilarious texts to choose from this week...I would classify it as redonkulous! My life is so difficult. This is the hardest decision of my day. Here is what I went with. (Slightly inappropriate...but such is life. Well, my life at least.)

"We know this.......only a few select people can handle my drunken-ness, and I mean a select few...........not everyone is down with me vomiting on public transportation, having some crazy indian ladies trash talkin, dancing at coyote ugly, dry humping your leg to the song "I wanna make love in this club"........the few, the proud.........the jaime's........."

He may be a little old.

I frequently joke about finding myself a Sugar Daddy. When offered one, I felt surprisingly uncomfortable. This proposition begs the question; does he have old money or new money? Don't worry about me out here in Cali, boys and girls, he is "very healthy" and will take good care of me. Ewwwwww.......
Maybe he recognized me from my
sugardaddyforme.com profile.


(Here is one famous sugar daddy)


But if I change my mind and date him, don't judge me. Well, you can judge me a little.

Friends are grand.

"I either want suicide or spring break... I would take either"

I am very happy that spring break is rapidly approaching!


I HAD to add an addendum to this post because it was just too funny. The same friend who sent me the above text, posted the following status update on Facebook:

"Spring Break is like leaving an abusive relationship...enjoy it will it lasts, but you know you're going back..."

Stranger danger.

Jaime enters Walmart and heads straight for the greeting cards. This is the only thing on her list. "Buy a card." She checks her list of "Junk to do" just to make sure. Yes. That is all that she needs to purchase. She peruses the cards. Mostly duds. She finds herself in the little kid cards, this is right up her intelligence level.

A mom with her son (approximately 4 years old) are looking for a card as well.

The mom picks up a card and reads it. Then closes it to reread it to her son.

Random mom: "Happy Birthday Brother" [she opens the card] "You're the coolest!" That is a good one. You can get this card for your brother.

Kid: Uhhhh..... but he isn't cool.

Random mom: Yes he is. Be nice.

Kid: No mom. I am cool. And he...he just isn't...

Jaime: You've gotta respect the honesty.

Random mom: [silence and awkward stare. 1 one thousand 2 one thousand 3 one thousand] We will just get this one. [Mom pushes the cart out of the aisle.]


Kid: We shouldn't. I am telling you... HE ISN'T COOL!!!

I, for one, believe the kid!

Here is a little gem that I found and thought was AMAZING! So applicable to so many families...

Friends are great.

I have already run into a snag with my favorite text of the week. You see, while my friends are very entertaining, they are not always what many would deem "appropriate." This week my favorite text was hilarious, but if I censored it then it wouldn't even make sense... so this was another text that made me laugh.

"I care less than you. I win."

If you guess who it is from, I really will send you a prize...a way good prize... so good that it should probably be characterized as a "prize." (No, you cannot guess if you are the one who sent the text.)