Friends are jokesters.

"Sure thing! oh wait, you're the sure thing..."

RUDE...but hilarious...and true.

As mentioned below.

First of all I want to thank Ms. Chelle for her help during my technical difficulties. It was touch and go there for a moment, but we pulled through to bring you this way average post... you're welcome.

In a previous post on drunk texting I wrote, "Keep 'em comin'!" I was intending to quote a SNL sketch from a decade ago. I thought I would share the video. The set up to the quote starts at about 2:45 (just in case you don't want to watch the whole thing.)



I think it all the time. "Keep 'em comin'!"

In closing I want to thank Loop Holes for making this youtube video possible for our viewing pleasure.

Blah

Hey Rachelle

Friends are intoxicating.

Or are they intoxicated? I had a couple of incidents of people "drunk texting" me this week. This is always entertaining. It is never a good plan for the person who has been drinking to pick up their phone. But for the sober one on the other end (me) it is a fantastic and hilarious idea. I think the typos are my favorite part.

Because I am super classy, and these drunk texters are nearly always embarrassed by their actions, I will not be divulging those messages. I hope you are not too disappointed. At least you know that if/when YOU drunk text me, I will not post about it on the internet...unless I feel there is no chance you will read this...then I might...a girl can only be so altruistic.

Keep 'em comin'!

This blog is not yet rated.

Sometimes it is difficult to keep my blog rated PG... Who am I kidding? We crossed over into PG-13 a LONG time ago!! Censoring makes things less funny. (Except muckaluckin' casserole...that's comedic genius!)

My friends are a giant part of my life. I mean, half of my posts are dedicated to their words. As we have experienced thus far, my friends are not very good at being appropriate. My advice to those that follow me blindly is this: When texting a friend that tends to be devilish, never tell this friend that you are in a location where you are not able to laugh and are expected to be quiet. Big mistake. Huge.

Clearly I am much more angelic than my friends...[long pause]... Although my accidental scandal alone may have pushed us over the edge from day 1.

Below is the only clip I could find of the TV censored version of Pineapple Express. (Which was awesome, by the way.)

The description to this youtube video is hilarious to me.
"People on television really don't like being called a casserole."

Friends are inquisitive.

"So I'm sitting here trying to be non-judgmental. To say the least its not working. I'm more perplexed as to how the majority of these people ended up married...my guess would be illicit drugs and alcohol, maybe some faked pregnancies, and the rest would be that they sincerely believed that there is someone for everyone..."

Some people should never reproduce. Our modern society has destroyed the flow of natural selection. When working in JJS, we called it "Job Security."

Sometimes I am not sure.

So my friend, Yatta (AKA my JJS weight loss contest archenemy) posted on my Facebook wall. He told me to check out a new commercial for Sun Drop Soda. I had never heard of Sun Drop before. But Yatta requested that I search youtube for this commercial because it reminded him of myself and another friend, Emily. I am not quite sure if it is a compliment or not that the video below would make someone think, "Jaime."



In the words of Emily, "Yatta wishes he could close the clubs with us!"

Friends are informative.

I was enjoying some alone time at mi casa when I got the best text of the week on the last day of the week!

"Fox news just announced that Osama bin Laden is dead!"

A friend quoted her friend by posting on FB, "Knock. Knock. Who's there? America. Pop! Pop! Pop!"

It is very apparent.

Suddenly I am having trouble NOT seeing the scandal behind my eyes. Uh oh... what happens once it is unleashed? I think we should all be afraid...very afraid...

Some recent examples.
(If I had Photoshop, I would TOTALLY Photoshop pictures of myself. But alas, I do not... so you guys get to see me as is...)

chelle and I.

(the picture above is the one I was shown and asked, "Really? You can't see it?")

Nester and I.

Rocco and I.

A picture I took of myself while in India.

A picture I took of myself last night after writing this post.

A picture I took of myself today while waiting for my sister.
Just testing out the theory.

As I look at pictures now I realize how obvious it has been. Maybe I didn't want to see it before? Maybe it was me that couldn't handle the scandal? Handle the scandal... that is really fun to say!

I have some new ideas/labels/terms in regards to the scandal. I forgot that a past co-worker once told me that I am "criminal minded." I took it as a compliment. I have recently been called Ms. Chievous on my Facebook wall. One man told me that he thinks there is "magik" behind my eyes. (He used a k...that is not a typo. Stories of this man could be several posts all on their own.) I was also told that I am "trouble...and men don't mind a little trouble." Hahaha. Oh the self exploration of it all...

Friends are smart.

Sometimes I get really good advice.

"Anesthesiologist. Seduce one."

Maybe I will... Maybe I will...

And I don't even partake.

I hope everyone had a very happy and enjoyable 420. Since I was about 15 years old I have been very entertained by the concept of 420. That there is a number, time, and/or date associated to the use of the drug is hilarious to me. My mother was not a fan of our constant discussion about THC and she did not share our amusement of 420. She could not wait for "this phase to be over." If only she could have seen into the future.

The topic of 420 has become commonplace in my family's home. Beverly Jean the action machine jumped on board and became a full fledged fan of 420. If one is ever asked a number or time related question, the answer is always 420. I recall one instance involving my marmy. I had a voicemail from her stating that she had called the hospital to check on an uncle who was there at the time. "You will be happy to know that he was discharged at 4:20." I was happy to know that. I was even more happy that my mom made the connection.

One year my sister and I celebrated 4/20 in Park City. She bought me a 420 gift. She turned the lights off, and I had to search around the condo and find the magnificent present. It was nothing less than amazing.

BEST SHIRT EVER. Thanks sister!

(Wow...this video is over a minute long? There was really no need for it to be longer than 10 seconds...and yet here we are...)

We have already discussed my love for nicknames. Here are some of the various nicknames for the drug THC commonly known as known as Marijuana.

pot, weed, cannabis, dope, grass, ganja, giggle weed, Aunt Mary, Mary Jane, joint, blunt, doobie, chronic, nug (this one is probably my favorite!), rego, wacky tobacky, bud, herb, trees, indo, smoke, diggety dank, cheeba, canny banny, left handed tobacco, endo, Kansas ditch weed, hooch, Marley flower, and so many more!

I will leave you with the advice that I gave at least one kid when I worked for Juvenile Justice Services, "You don't take your pot to school."

Friends are super duper.

"Do you think if rappers rapped about maintaining high moral standards and resisting the temptation to use illicit drugs and alcohol that it would sound as good?"

Nope.

I like nicknames.

I really enjoy a good nickname. I love how they come to be and evolve. I especially love to see which names stick. I like giving people nicknames. People frequently end of with titles as names when I am dishing them out. (Example: The Kins, The Biffster, The Bung, The Urn....and more.)

Here are a bunch of nicknames I have. Not as many as my dear friend Baugh (I dare you to try and NOT come up with nicknames for her!) And away we go...

Jaime Boots
Boots
Jaime (hi-may)
Jaime (hi-may) Escalante
James
Jaimers
Mers
Jaimekins
Kins
Mamey
Jaime Bamey
Jamison
J-Love
J-Ho
Jaime Crackwhore and I don't care
Chesty LaRue
Jasmine Mozaffari
Jazmo
Jazzy
L'chaim (LAH-heim)
Jaime Marie easy as 123
J-A-I-M-E-Z
Laguna
Frump Master (my Indian rapper persona)
BJ
Beej

Am I forgetting any? I mean, I left off some obvious ones like "The Hot One" and "Total Package" because I don't want to seem cocky...

Friends are hilarious.

I had some phone issues this week... but I was able to rally up this gem.

"I was at lunch when [insert friend's name here] called me, and my ringtone for him is PIMP........I was so amused by the disapproving looks that I got......sooooo funny. People at chick fil a have such high moral standards and sh**......"

Poor Decisions.

So, there was this one time when I made a poor decision. Just the once...

One day in January, I went to Huntington beach. A couple of friends were flying in that night. After leaving the beach, because I was worried I would get a sunburn and ruin my weekend, I realized that I didn't have a place to change out of my swimsuit and into my clothes. In retrospect, the beach would have been the optimal option. It's normal for people to get undressed under a towel and shimmy their clothes on and off...but this didn't occur to me until much later. I drove around trying to decide what to do. In Utah there are several places where one could just use a gas station and be done with it. (And yes, I have used a public gas station restroom to change my clothes before going to a wedding.) Bathrooms are not as readily open to the public near the beach. And the issue of parking adds a whole other dimension.

To make a long story short, I did not get my hands on phone numbers I had hoped for. After driving around for a bit I ended up in Long Beach... in a parking terrace... This is where I decided to get undressed. There were copious amounts of people walking by. It seemed excessive for a weekday in such a ghetto area. Most people didn't seem to notice that I was changing my clothes. Or maybe that is just the story I have decided to go with to hold onto some self respect. I know I was caught by at least one individual... eye contact was made...but ah well...I gave them a story to exaggerate to their friends. As I walked out of the parking terrace I discovered the reason that there was so much people traffic...Farmers Market. Of course there is a weekday Farmers Market in the afternoon in the city they call Long Beach. What a good time and place for me to choose to disrobe.

Here are some things that are worse decisions than mine...

The practical obvious things...











The "Leave Britney Alone" Youtube Video...

Meg Ryan's plastic surgery...

My friends allowing this to be filmed.